Friday, January 29, 2010

Beware the Tigress

Elan Woods was recently seen on a street in Sweden. Although the scarf and sunglasses implied that she was trying to travel incognito, it was obvious to this photographer that, in fact, it was Mrs. Woods. In an attempt to get the exclusive, he stood in the shadows of a doorway waiting to see why she was standing there looking around. Suddenly her head turned as she heard a car coming around the corner from the direction opposite of where she had been staring.

Her smile broadened. The photographer was clicking capturing every move she made.

The car pulled up to the curb in front of her. She waited. The driver stepped out, pulled her close and kissed her passionately. He then helped her into the car and closed the door, circling the car to get in beside her.

"Do you think anyone saw you? The street looked pretty deserted," he said.

"I don't think so unless they were looking out a window," she replied. "Even so, I don't think anyone would recognize me in this part of town."

"Did you send out the checks? That was a brilliant idea," he said, laughing. "I've missed you so much. How are the children? I can't wait to see them. The photos I've seen of the island in the news look spectacular."

"Oh, wait 'til you see it. It's like heaven on earth. By the way, I'm glad to see that your face has healed. The surgeon did a great job. I'm sorry I hit you so hard."

"We'll finally get to spend some time together as a family. Away from the cameras, away from the tour. As for losing the endorsements, who cares? After all, when it comes to money, how much is enough? When I'm ready to go back out, I'll do an interview with Oprah or Barbara Walters and then hit the tour again. In the meanwhile, I'll just keep practicing on the private course we bought over here."

"Meanwhile, I'll keep hiring the wanna-be actors to be seen at sex rehab centers all over the US and then in other parts of the world. That will keep the media happy for awhile."

He put the car in gear and drove away.

The photographer was so excited that he almost dropped his camera as he put it in the case. He ran around the corner, jumped in his car and sped home to his computer to upload the images. The bidding would now begin.


CJ Hodges MacFarlane said...

Ack! Well, I don't know anything about the Tiger Woods media frenzy other than he cheated(?) if I even have that right.

That being said - piece flowed well and I could get the gist of the story, and how those in the press might need to do some fancy finagling to get family time. Nicely done!

CJ Hodges MacFarlane said...

grr. not "those in the press" but those in the spotlight of the press


Susan Cross said...

Hi CJ. I'm not normally a celeb watcher but I live in Orlando & Tiger is so entwined in this community that it's hard to escape. I'm also a golf fan (not a golfer) & hearing other golfers saying how much the sport needs Tiger back. No Tiger = no viewers. Besides, if they win without him, it won't really be like winning. There is a price for celebrity. Fortunately, I'll never have to pay it.

J. M. Strother said...

Great theory here, and a funny take on recent events. I would hate living under that kind of media intensity.

mazzz in Leeds said...

ha, good take on Tiger's little stint in the news!

Anonymous said...

Was the photographer tall, dark and hairy? I think the photog deserved more lines.