Monday, December 28, 2009

Can I Get you a Drink?


The couple walked into the hotel lounge and sat down at the bar. It was mid-afternoon so the room was empty. The bartender was dressed appropriately for a 5-star resort. He approached quickly.

“How are you folks today? What can I get for you?” he asked.

Sophie ordered Diet Coke.

“Glenlivet on the rocks with a glass of water on the side,” her husband Richard said.

“Excellent,” said the bartender, showing his approval of the single malt scotch. “Where are you folks from?”

“We live about an hour from here. We were in the hotel for an event at the convention center and thought we would explore a little,” Sophie said. “Are you a native Floridian?” she asked.

“Oh, no. I’m from Jersey. I’ve been down here for a few years.”

“How do you like it here? I’ll bet you never want to go back to the cold weather,” Richard said after a sip of Glenlivet. “There’s a blizzard going on up there right now.”

“Actually, I miss it. The weather is nice but Florida is no place to raise children. I mean, the education system is terrible. If I had kids here I’d have to send them to private schools.”

“Some counties in the area put an emphasis on education. It depends on where you live. Whereabouts in Jersey are you from?” Richard asked.

“South Jersey. That’s why I don’t have a Jersey accent. There aren’t a lot of Italians in the southern part of the state so we don’t have accents.”

“Italians are all up north? Really? I’m not sure I understand. You mean you can tell if someone is Italian based on whether or not they have a New Jersey accent?” Sophie asked, amused. She hadn’t disclosed the fact that she, too, was from New Jersey, and she, too, had no Jersey accent.

“Definitely,” the bartender responded with authority. “The Italians all live in North Jersey and they have those heavy accents. You know, like in the Sopranos.”

“Actually, I’m from North Jersey,” Sophie said, “and I don’t have an accent. I never had one. Of course, I’m not Italian, but I grew up in an Italian neighborhood.”

“I guess you didn’t socialize with them much. Besides, it’s just the way they talk. They can’t help it.”

At this remark, Sophie could not believe that this young man could be so ignorant but she played along a little further to see just how far this would go. Richard sat quietly, listening to the exchange, enjoying his drink. He felt a little sorry for the young bartender, knowing that Sophie was laying a trap.

“When I was growing up, I had friends with all kinds of backgrounds,” she said. “I had a girlfriend who was Polish, one that was German, one that was English and of course, some Italians. The only difference it made to me was that I knew what kind of food I’d be eating if I went to dinner at a friend’s house. Usually the food was very ethnic. That was cool. Other than that, I never really thought about who had accents and who didn’t.”

“Well, you probably just didn’t notice,” said the bartender. “Where I grew up it was different.
I’m an Irish Catholic, born and raised in a little town in South Jersey. Went to Sacred Heart Elementary, St. Mary’s Junior High and Holy Sacrament High School.”

“So you went to all private schools growing up?” Sophie asked, placing the cheese in the little metal box.

“Yup,” he answered, apparently missing the irony of this after criticizing the school system in Florida.

“The Irish don’t talk like that. You know the stereotypes. The Irish are known as drinkers and fighters. The Italians are known for their mob connections and their accents,” he said. “Not that I’m a fighter or anything.”

“So what are Russian Jews like?” Sophie asked, thinking back to her grandparents.

“Russian Jews? I don’t know. I never met any in New Jersey. I think they live mostly in in New York. Maybe Queens, or something.” Although the bartender had boasted about his private school education, apparently he had a very narrow view of the world.

“So you plan to go back up north?” Sophie asked.

“By the time I’m 30 I’ll be back in South Jersey for sure. By then I’ll be ready to settle down and raise a family.”

“Be careful when you say that. Things change. You’re young. There’s no way of predicting what will happen tomorrow,” she said.

“You mean I might meet a girl here and fall in love? No, that’ll never happen. Girls down here are all fluff. I would never marry a southern girl,” he said. “I mean, I know a lot of girls come here from up north so I guess it’s possible I could meet one while I’m here but she’d have to want to go back to Jersey to get married or I wouldn’t date her.”

The woman finished her soda. The man finished his scotch.

“Can I get you another round?” the bartender asked.

“No, thanks. We’ve got to get going. Just a tab,” Richard said. He smiled at his wife while the bartender’s back was turned. He paid the bill, adding a little extra to cover the entertaining conversation.

The couple got up and walked toward the lobby. Richard took out the valet ticket as they approached the automatic doors.

“You can’t make this stuff up,” Sophie said, laughing. “Hard to believe that he got through an interview with a 5-star hotel like this one. He must have interviewed with an Irish Catholic from South Jersey.”

10 comments:

Jai Joshi said...

I can't even tell you how heavy the irony sits with me. I've had to cope with people like this more times than I can count.

Jai

Weezel said...

You really can't make that stuff up . . . I think we've all dealt with close-minded people who would like to keep us all in our neat little catagories. I still refuse to fit the molds!
Well done, thought provoking piece!
Happy New Year!

Susan Cross said...

I thought those days were over. How naive I am.

Michelle said...

Great writing Susan. Enjoyed the read.

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Ha - even across the pond, here in the UK, I have heard such a conversation. The underlying nationalities were different but other than that... It saddens me.

Very nicely flowing dialogue.

My one beef is with Richard taking ice in his Glenlivet - that's positively criminal :-)

Happy New Year!

Tom Bailey said...

Bartenders like that seem like the type that still know how to make a "rob-roy" and an "old fashion" (with bitters etc). I do not drink any longer but when I did those types of things were perfect for having great conversations with bartenders.

Thank you for your excellent work here it was VERY through provoking for me as well.

Best regards,
Tom Bailey

Susan Cross said...

I have to agree with you Mazz, I drink mine neat, just like my cognac.

Tom, I remember those days, too. I'm not a fan of political correctness but you do have to consider the fact that you never know to whom you are speaking. I could imagine this in a neighborhood bar but not in a 5-star tourist hotel with a mixture of international guests and locals. Ah, so you remember the days when martinis were made with gin! Nowadays, young people assume that vodka was always the main ingredient.

G.P. Ching said...

Susan, Great story and close to my heart. When I married my husband and became a "Ching", I was surprised how many of these types of conversations I experienced. Small mindedness is alive and well, unfortunately. Well written. The dialogue was perfect.

J. M. Strother said...

Great dialog, Susan, and lots of food for thought. Amazing when someone who works with the public just spouts off on his personal likes, dislikes, and stereotypes. But it happens all the time.

Vodka? In a martini? Really? James would not be amused.
~jon

Susan Cross said...

Yes, vodka in a martini! All the new 'gourmet tinis' are served with vodka: Cosmopolitan, Choclatini, Appletini, Plumtini, etc. They have all these new flavored 'martinis' made with vodka. You can even find the flavored vodka in the liquor stores, some are premixed so all you have to do is pour. Watch out bartenders -- the liquor companies are after your jobs! Ah, but nothing can replace the conversation.